4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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