One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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