His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
