I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
