I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
