Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
