my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
