His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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