I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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