you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
