you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
