so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
