So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
