I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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