what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
