I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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