why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
