I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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