What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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