I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
