MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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