I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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