Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
