I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
