ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
