I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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