i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
