I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
as a side note pls kill me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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