Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
