He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
