He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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