You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
