Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
