When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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