You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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