Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
