it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
