Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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