I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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