I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
