my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
PANTIES FOUND
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