So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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