About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
