If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
