Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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