you would pick up someone in the library
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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