She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
