It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
