my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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