You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
