Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
