I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
