she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
