Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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