Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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