need another drink. this is the easiest way
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
