i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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