I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
