he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
