Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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