3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
