just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
