i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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