you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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