i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
