i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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